Wednesday, August 07, 2013
A Good Day to Die Hard
Title is true if what's dying is all the creativity, humor, unpredictability and pathos of the previous Die Hard movies. Which admittedly wasn't that much, but at least was something.
Title is true if what's dying is all the creativity, humor, unpredictability and pathos of the previous Die Hard movies. Which admittedly wasn't that much, but at least was something.
Monday, October 12, 2009
88 Minutes
A movie titled 88 Minutes should end 88 minutes after the "88 minute trigge occurs. This movie titled 88 Minutes should end after a minute.
A movie titled 88 Minutes should end 88 minutes after the "88 minute trigge occurs. This movie titled 88 Minutes should end after a minute.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Rachel Getting Married
Three bad flicks in one. The first is an amateur flick about a back-from-rehab-but-not-rehabed hot chick making everyone uncomfortable during her sister's wedding preparations. The second is a horrific arty music video short ("ooh, look, there's Robyn Hitchcock! Playing at Rachel's wedding!" The third is incoherent, slow-paced "drama" shit.
That said, there is three seconds of brillians in this film, which will now be provided for you so you can save yourself from this agony. You know how some houses have more than one phone and when they ring they don't all ring the same and the rings bleed over each other a bit? This flick captures that where all other flicks don't.
Three bad flicks in one. The first is an amateur flick about a back-from-rehab-but-not-rehabed hot chick making everyone uncomfortable during her sister's wedding preparations. The second is a horrific arty music video short ("ooh, look, there's Robyn Hitchcock! Playing at Rachel's wedding!" The third is incoherent, slow-paced "drama" shit.
That said, there is three seconds of brillians in this film, which will now be provided for you so you can save yourself from this agony. You know how some houses have more than one phone and when they ring they don't all ring the same and the rings bleed over each other a bit? This flick captures that where all other flicks don't.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Up
This may actually be a good flick, but the loudmouth woman in the elevator on her cell phone blurted out a huge spoiler, between floors 6 and 3. So now if/when I see it, it will suck. I informed her, and the woman she was speaking to, between floors 3 and 1, just how much I appreciated her effort.
This may actually be a good flick, but the loudmouth woman in the elevator on her cell phone blurted out a huge spoiler, between floors 6 and 3. So now if/when I see it, it will suck. I informed her, and the woman she was speaking to, between floors 3 and 1, just how much I appreciated her effort.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Killshot
If a young Quentin Terantino knew he would inspire this flick, he'd have gone into accounting.
If a young Quentin Terantino knew he would inspire this flick, he'd have gone into accounting.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Impressive! The biggest product placement movie ever, the product being the Smithsonian. I hope they didn't pay much though. This flick that manages to belittle that institution and distort American (and world) history in the process. Also, for good measure, this flick manages to demean Abraham Lincoln (and have that Kentucky born gentleman speak with a British accent [which they may try to tell you is supposed to be an uppercrust American accent]) and Albert Einstein. Nothing like replacing thought, care, good writing and craft with CGI and 'tude! It's just a pity Thomas Lennon was involved.
Impressive! The biggest product placement movie ever, the product being the Smithsonian. I hope they didn't pay much though. This flick that manages to belittle that institution and distort American (and world) history in the process. Also, for good measure, this flick manages to demean Abraham Lincoln (and have that Kentucky born gentleman speak with a British accent [which they may try to tell you is supposed to be an uppercrust American accent]) and Albert Einstein. Nothing like replacing thought, care, good writing and craft with CGI and 'tude! It's just a pity Thomas Lennon was involved.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Star Trek
An abomination. This flick was like watching untalented high school kids act out a Star Trek parody during the annual talent show. All individuals involved in this flick should never be allowed in the film industry again. They should be put on outhouse detail during Chicago's Blues Fest, though that may be too good for them. There's a special torture waiting for the dork who played "Spock."
An abomination. This flick was like watching untalented high school kids act out a Star Trek parody during the annual talent show. All individuals involved in this flick should never be allowed in the film industry again. They should be put on outhouse detail during Chicago's Blues Fest, though that may be too good for them. There's a special torture waiting for the dork who played "Spock."
